Self Sabotage... a personal post and a challenge!
I was going to give you a recipe today but I decided that could wait until tomorrow and instead I offer you something a little different. Something to consider and think about a while. A challenge of your own if you decide to accept it.
I lay in bed last night thinking about this idea in those moments before sleep engulfed me and so this morning it seemed only fitting to type it up as a blog post for you.
This is a personal post about self sabotage. But not necessarily in the ways you may have first thought. I have lots more thoughts and ideas on this topic as it something I resonate with so passionately and is top of my own ‘self coaching’ agenda. Being a fast paced girl with high expectations of herself in the throes of creating a multi-faceted business and battling daily overwhelm; the reality of self sabotage is never too far away.
Self sabotage can manifest itself in so many forms, and with many of my coaching clients and friends this might be in the form of giving into food cravings or not allowing yourself to stick to the healthy eating plan that you know you want to. Or it may be in the work environment when you may feel you are ‘not good enough’ for the promotion you desperately want and sabotage your own efforts to get there.
Today I want to expose a little vulnerability and share you my own self sabotage in the form of… sleep deprivation!
Whilst I’d been aware of the fact that I tend to sabotage my own dietary habits by way of eating too many dried dates or peanut butter (random I know but just go with me on that) largely as an escape from overwhelm… what I hadn't been aware of with such clarity until yesterday was how sleep factored into the scheme of things.
For a good few months now I've been trying to tweak my day such that I get up earlier and go to bed earlier with the knowledge that I'm much more productive first thing in the morning and love the positive mentality of ‘getting a good start on the day’ than if I try and do that same proportion of work late evening once I'm getting tired. I even wrote about that here last year!
This seems very sensible in reality. However…
What has been happening was that after finishing my evening meal at a time where I should be thinking of winding down for the night and maybe reading a little before going to bed at a reasonable time, my mind goes into overdrive and overwhelm kicks in with a warped sense of not being good enough and not trying hard enough. The result would then be that I would continue to ‘work’ for two or three more hours through till around midnight and yet still expect that I should be up bright and breezy, so I’d set my alarm for 5:30 or 6:00 the next morning. I’d then be caught up in a repeat of the same mindset, hit with the same overwhelm and the same heightened need to be ‘busy’, ultimately leading to huge bouts of procrastination… It’s a vicious circle that’s been playing itself over a few months now, except until yesterday I had not realise to what extent it truly impacted my life.
It is not so much the lack of sleep that is the problem (I often snooze in a restless sleep after the alarm goes off) …it is more the mentality surrounding it. It’s as if I don’t deserve to have enough sleep. I tell myself I haven’t worked hard enough to have earned the privilege! Yes I know now that sounds totally crazy as I write this but until this moment, until the point of first verbalising it to a friend yesterday and writing it here in black and white this morning, it continued to take hold within my life.
Once I did get going in the morning, it would typically be later than I’d planned (7:00am instead of 5:30am) so my mind was already berating me for being ‘lazy’, or focussing on my having ‘lost the best part of the day’. Before I’d even opened a book or my laptop overwhelm and frustration was already clawing at the mental fabric of my day… leading me to more escapism through procrastination.
I now feel this mindset surrounding my sleep has had the biggest impact on my rising levels of frustration and overwhelm and as a result create the negative side effects of procrastination, productivity and eating mindlessly amongst other things...
As I write this, there are exactly three months until Christmas and I have given myself a challenge.
Starting today I am committed to changing my attitude towards using sleep as ‘reward’ and focussing on cultivating an earlier bedtime routine filled with a mindset of self care. I know this has the potential to create huge positive impact in my life and I’m excited to see where this leads.
If you are still reading this, thank you. If you identify with ‘self sabotage' on some form within your own life then I hope you have found some support and encouragement within these words.
So much change occurs when we allow ourselves to expose our vulnerabilites and become truly honest with ourselves. Write it down, say it out loud, share with others….reach out to me to support you. I am here for you. Always.
Share your thoughts and your challenge with me in the comments, on my Facebook page, in a private message, a complimentary coaching session or simply be mindful of creating a small change in your own life.
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